You wake up blindfolded, tied to a chair. The blindfold gets lifted and you’re in a cold, barren room with a table and 4 containers and 2 strange men. One of them holds a firearm to your head and says “drink one.” The containers are clearly labeled Ranch, Ketchup, Mustard and Tartar Sauce. They are all 1-gallon containers and they are all not poisoned but you MUST drink one to survive. Let’s say you have 1 hour to do so. Which one are you drinking?
For extra fun feel free to describe why. I feel this is important to who you are as a person.
Went with ranch. Could see tartar sauce too cuz I think those 2 are the most mild. Whoever picked mustard is crazy LMAO
That was me. I love mustard and while i normally wouldnt drink a gallon of it it is the one i felt most comfortable with
skull emoji
I honestly have 0 clue what tartar sauce is, and ranch is ok, but feels too salty and musky (in a good way) to drink on its own. Now, between mustard and ketchup, I’d choose ketchup because it’s decently close to tomato.
EDIT: Looked up tartar sauce, sounds delicious, but it also sounds like it’d suffer from the same thing as ranch.
Ketchup and you don’t even have to threaten me.
Mustard because there’s no option for Sriracha. I actually can drink that stuff its so good. Mustard is great though and I am not a fan of the others.
Mustard in my opinion, is the best normal sauce there is. Its flavor is unlike anything else, and it pairs well with any foods. But the obvious answer to this question is Cane’s sauce, cause that stuff is addictive
Hmmm…Zero calories in mustard so that’s the pick for sure. Everything else would prolly have me throwing up but mustard I could handle I think. I normally prefer a real smooth and vinegary French Dijon but I would be hoping for like some ball park classic yellow for this.
Is the ketchup Heinz? If it’s Hunts I’m taking the bullet.
Mustard is 0 calories? Neat.
I would voluntarily drink a gallon of ranch so this scenario is no problem 
I would choose the mustard, if the ketchup doesn’t kill me the sugar will lmao, 832 grams of dang sugar right there, ALMOST two pounds of sugar
Consuming a gallon of ranch and then washing it down with some pizza. That’s not even a terrible fate, that’s just an average Friday night in the midwest
Well lactose intolerant so ranch and tartar sauce are out also pickles trigger my acid reflux so that’s a double no. Ketchup I would probably get some nasty indigestion and my diabetic self might collapse by the end however… when I was younger I did something extremely unhealthy I called the celery diet. I ate nothing but celery in various forms for over a month. It was bad I didn’t understand the effects of fiber or why that would not be great later until I did that experiment. Often my go to was mustard and celery and because of this I’m absolutely repulsed by celery and mustard.
So I guess I’m chancing the ketchup.
I would go with Ketchup, I need a real reason to start hate tomatoes (which are just the perfect food), this can be one!
Ok, but since you are just dreaming out loud, I will too>
If they are also serving hot dogs, I would go for the mustard.
If they are offering salad as a side, I would do the ranch.
If they have all you can eat fish sticks, no doubt the tartar sauce.
And if they’re cranking out the fries, then Ketchup is the hot ticket.
Hilarious!
This will result in, what I imagine to be, a very unpleasant trip to the bathroom no matter which you choose. 
Give me A1 sauce. Now that I feel I could enjoy a gallon of.