-1 FOR EVERYONE!
I wanted to make a joke about sodium, but Na
One of the elements in the periodic table Argon (are gone)
These may have been said already:
What’s the difference between a man with a cold and a boxer?
One blows his nose, and the other knows his blows.
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
One goes, thwack, “Aw,” the other goes, “Aw,” thwack.
That was the worst clean joke I have ever heard.
Not sure if this exists, but put your best jokes below 
whats green and has wheels?
a leaf. i i lied about the wheels.
how do you think a ship?
an ithburg…
if bob has 50 candy bars and eats 25, what is he left with?
bob has diabetes
and the funniest one…
i can do 5a.
Ahem… (Clears throat)…
There was a guy who had been out of work for a while. He was a very professional upstanding citizen and was very depressed about not having a job. He had lived his life by a code of hard work, precision, principles and sincerity. One day he noticed a help wanted ad in the paper for a city bus driver. He had never driven a bus but had driven courier vans and semi trucks before. He decided to apply.
At the interview he was hired on the spot. The city was desperate for a new driver and they had recognized he was a stand up citizen and took his work very seriously. His supervisor asked him to show up the very next day to start his route.
The supervisor said good morning and took him to show him the bus he would be driving. When they reached the parking lot the guy couldn’t believe his eyes. The bus he was hired to drive was painted like Sesame Street! There were giant cartoon looking characters all over the bus with giant text sprawling across the side that said “Sesame Street”.
“Are you kidding?” He asked? The supervisor explained the city was in dire need for another bus and got a sweet deal on it. They hadn’t had the time or funds to paint over it. Against his better judgement, knowing the bus was ridiculous and he’d hate to have to be the one driving it - he also knew he needed the work. He took the keys and got on the bus.
At the first stop two very, very large beefy looking women stepped up. They were wearing identical outfits each with matching handbags. “Good morning mister bus driver! I’m Patty!” “I’m Patty too! Good morning!” These two are far too enthusiastic, he thought. He said good morning and asked they take their seats.
The two twins were very loud and would not settle down. Constantly excited over every street and billboard they would pass. The driver begins to wish they would be quiet. Meanwhile every where on his route people are doing double takes and pointing and laughing at the Sesame Street decor… He feels like everyone is laughing a little at him too.
A few stops later there is a young man waiting. “Good morning mister bus driver man! My name is Ross and I’m very special!” The young man points to a button pinned on his jacket that says, “Hello my name is Ross and I’m special!” The driver nods and asks him to take his seat.
Many days pass and these are his only passengers. Every day they greet him the same way and every day they are loud and enthusiastic. He isn’t sure if he was cut out to be a buss driver. He complains to his supervisor.
“I don’t think I can keep doing this, it’s hard to describe but the passengers are just… Strange… Meanwhile the bus still hasn’t been repainted.” The supervisor begs him to stay and tells him it’s the slow season. The supervisor is sure he will get some more normal passengers soon and the city is close to having the funds to paint the bus. Again, the driver knows he needs the money… He keeps driving.
A few more days go by. One day, after picking up Patty 1, Patty 2 and Special Ross he sees a sharply dressed man at the next stop. “Good morning sir. My name is Lester Reeves, pleasure to meet you.” !!! The driver is thrilled. Finally someone normal! The driver is so excited that he asks Lester to sit as close as possible, so during the drive they may have a nice conversation - something the driver hasn’t had in quite some time.
They continue on the route and the strange passengers are being loud and overly happy, enthusiastic and naive as usual. The driver doesn’t care, Lester’s conversation has been good and has taken his mind off of the terrible bus and terrible bus passengers. Just then the driver notices a horrible smell… Like dead meat, rotting garbage, like dirty socks. The driver turns to look back at the passengers and sees Lester’s socks draped on the seat behind him. He looks down and sees Lester picking at bunions on his bare feet.
The driver slams on the brakes! "That’s it! I quit! I can’t take it anymore! I’ve got…
Two all beef Patties, special Ross, Lester Reeves picking his bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"
How did Harry Potter go down the hill?
Walking. J.K. Rolling.
the fact that some 5 year olds have iphone 6s…
sigh
I’d give my left arm to be ambidextrous.
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my 2a
If God meant for me to be a vegetarian, he would have made vegetables taste like meat.
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