Jokes and Riddles


#1

Post your jokes and riddles here! It can be made up joke or riddle, an already existing joke or riddle that’s not as well known or a really popular joke or riddle! Also please put the answer in (in case the thread gets complicated) unless you really want to let someone guess it.

I’ll start out with a joke:

What did the big chimney say to the small chimney? You’re too young to smoke!

Haha! Get it! Now it’s your turn! ;D


(Owen) #2

I gotta a good joke, but you have to look in the mirror in order for it to make sense…

Get it? CAUSE YOUR FACE IS SO UGLY


#3


#4

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted (a-salted)

Two guys walked into a bar… You’d think one would have seen it


#5

what do u do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back…


(Owen) #6

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and some guy said “How the @#$% are those peanuts walking??!?!?!!?”


#7

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick…


#8

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

If life gives you melons… You might be dyslexic


#9

A family of tomatoes was walking down the street and the littlest one was way behind the rest. The father tomato turned around, smashed the littlest tomato and said “catch up” (ketchup) get it?


(Owen) #10

Oh, I thought you were gonna say poop.

I still think my joke was the best.


#11

there were two muffins in an oven. One muffin turned and said to the other “few, it’s getting hot in here” then the other muffin turned and said “OH MY GOSH, A TALKING MUFFIN!”


(WildCat23) #12

All the good chemistry jokes argon.


#13

where did they go? did someone barium?


#14

What is green and smells like red paint?

Green paint!


#15

But then the little tamato said “But I must turd (mustard)”


#16

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

Driver: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her

Woman: “The driver just insulted me.”
Man: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”


#17

These jokes are puntastic!


#18

Here is a cool riddle:

Poor people have it.
Rich people don’t.
If you eat it, you will die.

What is it?


#19

Where did Hitler keep his armies?


#20

in his sleevies and James may nothing

So argon walks into a bar. The bartender says " we don’t serve noble gases here", argon doesn’t react.