I used to be addicted to soapā¦Iām clean now.
My wife sent me to he store for a loaf of bread. As I was leaving she said āIf they have eggs, get a dozen.ā When I got home she asked me why I bought 12 loaves of bread.
I said, āWell, they had eggs.ā
This happens to me embarrassingly often
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet, I forgetā¦ whY
Two guys walked into a barā¦ the third guy ducked.
Now in true dad form Iāll explain the magic of the jokeā¦ if a man walks āin to a barā itās different than when a man walks āinto a barā. Thatās why I think so many get really stumped by this one when you ātell itā. It has much better impact as a written joke. So if you tell people that oneā¦ make sure theyāre intelligent. 
I told my wife i bought a belt for$110ā¦
She said Thatās a BIG waist!
ā¦ i didnāt tell her about the $125 yoyo i bought.
A bossy person walks into a bar and orders everyone a round.
Iāve got a great joke about apathy, but honestly, who cares?
I was going to tell you all a joke about penguins, but I donāt think itās going to fly.
I was going to tell you all a joke about amnesia, but I forgot it.
I was going to tell you a joke about an echo chamber, but youāve probably heard it before.
I once threw a boomerang. Now I live my life in constant fear.
Why canāt you hear a pterodactyl going into the bathroom?
Because the P is silent
I wrote a joke about low self-esteem, but itās just not good enough.
āDid you know 10+10 and 11+ 11 are really the same thingā¦10+10=20ā¦and 11+11=22ā
Love this one as a math teacher.
I do not get it.
Pronounce the ā22ā as ā20, tooā!