Title explains it all.
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
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How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.
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âDogs are forever in the pushup positionâ
There was an older Brian Regan joke, but it hasnât aged super well from like 12 years ago.
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What did Brian Regan say that didnât age well??? He was like the cleanest comic I can think of
â⌠I walked on the moonâ
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I thought that was a Mitch Hedberg joke
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Did you know, the term ât-shirtâ stands for tyrannosaurus-shirt? Itâs because of the small arms 
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It drives me nuts that you canât say anything without offending somebody. A guy told me a story that he was getting coffee at Starbucks and he said âThanks, chief!â to the barista.
The barista, with a look of shock, said âWoah! Donât say âchiefâ! Thatâs offensive to Native Americans!â
My friend, confused, responded âOk, how?â
The barista freaked out and said âDonât say âhaoâ!!!â
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Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
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A scientist was asked to come up with two designs for an underwater breathing device.
After a few months, he was able to get them finished and brought somebody in to test them.
The man put the first device on, jumped into the water, took a deep breathâŚand it worked. He could breathe just like he was on land!
The scientist said, âAlright, the Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, or SCUBA, passed with flying colors!â
The man then put on the next device and jumped into the water once more. He tried to breathe, but he couldnât.
He came out of the water, and the scientist said, âWell, I suppose weâll just toss this oneâit didnât work at all! Weâll call it the Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus, or TUBAâŚIt does make a nice sound, though.â
[Heavily paraphrased]
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âDid you know⌠if you were to second guess your decision⌠to book some time⌠to visit an Indian community⌠that would be a reservation reservation reservation!â
Not necessarily terrible, but just has an general sense of âis this OK?â Lmao
The one I quoted was, the absolute expert at one liners, haha.
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âŚThey died badly. I always wanted to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming an crying like everyone else in the car.
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lol. Those are my Dadâs go to.
Guy hears a knock at the door. Opens it to find a snail on his stoop. âCan I have a word with you?â asks the snail. Guy picks the snail up and slings him off into the yard. Two years later, guy hears a knock at the door. Opens it and the snail is there âWhat the hell was that all about?!â
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Son?
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a bush? Russell
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, âDoes this taste funny to you?â
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Did you hear about the gnome who lost his left arm and left leg? Itâs okay. Heâs all right now!
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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: ground beef
Q: what do you call a cow with 2 legs?
A: Lean beef
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