My dad’s fav…
How do you catch a unique bird?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame bird?
Tame way.
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What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
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So I was recently in the Bahamas on vacation. A single slice of cherry pie costs $3.50 there, yet the SAME EXACT slice of pie only costs $2.00 in Jamaica, which I found to be odd.
In case you were interested in pie rates of the Caribbean.
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A lot of these are pure gold! lol
Here’s my personal favorite.
Q: When does a joke become a dad joke?
A: When it becomes apparent. HAHAHAHAHA
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Another I just remembered and love:
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
(Answer which most people usually guess): R?
(True answer delivered with best pirate accent possible): “Aye, you may think it to be Arrrr, but it really be the SEA!”
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Why couldn’t the melons get married? Because they Cant-alope!
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Wow. This thread had me chuckling all day.
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What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
HDMI.
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How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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Great one. I’m memorizing it!
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How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don’t know, it’d be easier if they could use their hands! bad i know
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What do you call the fastest dinosaur?
A pronto-saurus
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After a long ride, a man got off his bike.
Immediately it hit the ground.
The man thinks to himself, “Why won’t my bicycle stand up?”
He sat in thought for a moment when all the sudden he declared, “It must have fallen over because it was simply two tired!”
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What makes an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles
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A kid walks into the principles office with a frog on his head…
The principle says “what seems to be the problem?”
The frog replies “this kid is stuck to my foot!”
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My wife tells me I’m horrible at 2 things, listening and something else.
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Why don’t thieves understand puns?
They take everything literally.
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“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” -Woody Allen
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My favorite one is this, and it gets em’ every single time:
Me and other person are in a car and we drive past a cemetery.
Me: “You know, they’re closing this cemetery down next week.”
Other person: “Really? That’s pretty wild, how come?”
Me: “Yeah, everyone has been dying to get in!” 
Other person: 
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Nurse: This is Dr. Smith, he will be delivering the baby.
Dad: I would prefer my baby keep its liver.
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