I am absolutely shocked when I read this today on someones facebook. RIP Paul, you were amazing at what you did, and you will be forever remembered.
Rest in peace. I hope you enjoy yourself in the afterlife.
I must take a temporary break from my self-imposed ābanā from YYE to comment:
My condolences and sympathies for the loss of one of the great reviewers in this community. I was shocked to hear of this. Then saddened. Then reading the note, I understand. I donāt agree, but I do understand.
Iāve been suicidal before. Actually, honestly, not too long ago as well. Iāve mentioned my depression many times, and the past couple of years has been just a crap storm after crap-storm of garbage being flung upon me in all directions. I wonāt go into the details. All thatās necessary to know is that things have been bad. I also donāt have much of a support system in place either. The dysfunction on my side of the family is so extreme Iāve been forced to cut off any and all contact with them, and the support from my wife and her side is pretty much non-existant either. I understand his situation With a recent suicide on my wifeās side and questions about my own fatherās death(may have been an accidental suicide, or at least brought on by unwise choices in medications), itās rough. With my father-in-lawās suicide having leading indicators they refused to act upon despite my urgings to react, act and intervene, they ignored it. In this case, Sniffy wasnāt able to communicate his issues and was unable to get the help he needed when he needed it, and they way he needed it. Itās difficult to be so brutally honest with oneself to admit such issues to strangers, even medical professionals.
All I can say is the yoyo, now combined with other skill toys but still mostly the yoyo, has been my ONE salvation that prevents me from going over that edge. Itās sad that this simply toy that means so much to so many for so many different reasons, it clearly meant a lot to Sniffy, yet it wasnāt there to be able to help him in his time of need. However, unlike his claims that his decision came from clarity, it doesnāt. It comes from a point of depression. When mired in depression, one canāt see the bigger picture. We look for narrow options for escape, not understanding the peripheral consequences or the impact of decision making past the short term.
When I am depressed, which is sadly most of the time, I throw. I throw a lot. I sometimes throw until my arm hurts, my fingers are cut and my eyes wonāt stay open. I sometimes throw with tears in my eyes and wanting to scream but I canāt because itās like 2AM and the last thing I want to do is wake my wife and kids. So I throw in silence and sadness. As time goes on in such sessions, the tears go away, the sadness gets pushed aside, and I can focus on a stupid bit of plastic, metal or metal and plastic, while the rest of the room goes out of focus, taking away the rest of the world with it, at least for a short period of time. My world is a pair of spinning discs. I am in my zen. My meditation, my enlightenment. My clarity Myā¦ dammit. The string brokeā¦ replace the string, get back into my zoneā¦
This doesnāt mean I only throw when Iām depressed. I throw a lot just to enjoy it. I organize meets, I attend meets and I enjoy myself at these events. Heck, I do sound at yoyo events because I love yoyo and Iām an audio professional. My drug for lack of a better term. And Iāll see you when I do sound at CalStates and BAC.
We have to understand that we canāt save everyone, and sometimes people donāt know they need saving. Sniffy needed help, but we didnāt find out about this until it was too late. I talk about my problems. He unfortunately was compartmentalized and wasnāt willing to talk about stuff. I think the final straws came down fast and hard. This is when things get dangerous. His short term issues lead to what seemed to be hopeless long term issues. The vision narrows, the options are thinned, and the mind cuts off the rest of the picture. If only he reached out, if only we could have helped, but if only had we known. We didnāt know. I sure wish we did. Even while things were crashing around him, I think if we could have known and could have helped, I think we could have gotten him through this. Yes, he might still have been messed up, but we could have escorted him from one thing to another and bought him the time he needed to see the āforest for the treesā.
Our community is small. When we lose someone, it ripples throughout.
So, I leave you with words of wisdom, from an idiot such as myself:
We all suffer from pains at times. Some of us suffer from other things, such as depression and other mental, psychological and/or emotional issues. Whatās critical to understand is that no matter how dark things get, thereās a way out that doesnāt involve ceasing oneās existence. There are options and there is help.
Iām not religious. However, some people find solace, guidance and wisdom through their faith. This is not a crutch, that is what it is there fore. Similarly, within that group, there may be those who can offer a caring ear to listen, guide and help, even if that may mean additional steps outside the faith. Sometimes it just takes that one voice to help steer one in the right direction.
Thereās loads of resources for the prevention of suicide. There are hotlines that exist to help put you in contact with professionals who honestly want to help Itās always best if the one having such thoughts can reach out, but if someone sees someone with symptoms, these same professionals can help get the ball rolling FAST to try to prevent tragedy. However, I myself am not a fan of medications and have refused drugs to address my depression issues.
For others, we have to find something else. A change, an activity, a hobby, SOMETHING to distract. This is what I do, but it takes a stronger individual to take such efforts to manage their own issues like this. This often works best with the above mentioned options.
PLEASE donāt hold it in. Reach out. Thereās help. If need be, CALL ME. Iām not the best person in the world to deal with this, but at least Iāll listen. And for many, maybe thatās enough. Iām gonna advise you see a medical professional and get some counseling, but Iām gonna at least listen.
Sniffy, you were a great guy. The world is not a better place without you. However, we will move on, as life does. Thanks for making a splash in the pond.
I think my next video may be a tribute to Sniffy in my own way. I think people want to know how I Dry Play treat bearings. I think I better do something this weekend if time allows.
Iām gonna go burn out a few strings and work through this. Laters.
Am I the only one that had no idea he was 47 years old? He sounded really young on his videos.
I thought he was young as well, maybe in late 20s.
Iāve lost a couple family members to suicide within the last 6 months and I myself have also suffered from depression before, as silly as that sounds to post on a yoyo board. Although I never personally talked to him, I watched a lot of Sniffyās reviews and just recently was checking out his thread about the Sniffy Conversation Series. I always admired how dedicated he was. Itās a real shame that someone has to be gone so quickly like that, but hopefully now heās at ease.
RIP
Very sad.
Thanks to Navythrow for his offer of assistance and to others who have shared there experiences. Conversation is a good thing and if Paulās death can bring some good in starting a dialog for someone else feeling hopeless it would be a positive from a very sad situation.
RIP
This man gave yoyos a whole new meaning for me. Because if him I no longer think of a yoyo as a simple toy. I will miss hearing āHey there yoyoersā at the beginning of each of his unboxing/reviews. This is not only a sad day in the community, but a sad day for humanity, having lost a real genuine guy. I give my condolences to his friends and family.
Rest In Peace Sniffyo.
Rest in peace, Paul. My condolences to his friends, but not his family.
I am now even more proud to own a Kitteh Code 2.
This comment was uncalled for. Please let it be rather than post further comments on it.
-jhb8426-
R.I.P.
Why would you say that? I mean, did I miss something? That just seems totally uncalled for.
and here comes the drama. RIP Paul, Im homeless, i woulda shared the floor at my grandmas with you bro if you just asked <3
In his suicide note he noted anger to his family, and stated that they had been a partial cause for his pain. Even so, I can imagine great pain for them, and believe that that was a insensitive.
I teared upā¦
That comment was unfortunate. Letās not start analyzing his relationships here.
Very few of you actually knew him or are qualified to analyze or judge the situation.
p.s.
I removed the link to his note. It doesnāt need to be here.
I was not going to post here but there is no need to analyse what happened to Paul or to read into a letter that he wrote while not in his write mind. Paul had moved away from his family over 25 years ago and over time lost any real family relationship - that was his choice back then. Myself (His Cousin), my sister, his Dad and Brother were all back in touch with him since his Mom died about 18 months ago. Paul could have called any of us or any of his friends and we will not know why he did not. I was not in very recent touch with him except for following his blog and was proud to watch it grow. Paul had some issues, I guess we all do, but he was not equipped to take on all the things that had recently happened to him.
Iām the one that asked OneDrop (Dave) to post this sad news. We discussed leaving out the circumstances because they are really unknown. Paulās bad moped accident, a new medication and moreā¦ who knows. What is important is that Paul is remembered for what he contributed and from the looks of this forum he gave plenty. From his own Blog http://www.sniffy-yo.com/2012/01/kitty-code-2.html
Thank you all for your condolences and I will be passing them on to the rest of his family and friends where I can find them. As for me, Iām going to remember him by getting my first real yoyo, the old duncan that I keep in my draw at work just went into the trash can.
Now after reading all the posts above and below, I will also remember him for all the people he touched and the nice ways he went about doing what he did.
Thank you again for your condolences and stories.
~Craig
[edited more than once]
I havenāt posted on here in a while, but I wanted to add my name to the list of people who are extremely saddened to hear of sniffy-yoās decision to take his own life. I am deeply saddened to learn of the loss and that honestly surprises me since I only knew his voice and his hands.
I read his suicide note. It was difficult for a number of reasons - some too personal to mention here - but mostly I think we all have that same feeling of frustration. I would have helped him if I could have. I just didnāt know.
Paul, part of me hopes that you are able to read these words from the beyond. You had an impact on our lives, and even though we never met, I think quite a few of us understand your pain enough to be sympathetic. I just want to echo what everyone else has said - if anyone needs help, please ask somehow, some way, and keep asking until you get the help you need to help yourself.
Oh goshā¦
This is some hard news to take in
for me, as he inspired so many of my choices in yoyos
He helped me grow, and answered all the questions I asked him
Such a nice man, its just so so sad to see such a highly valued yoyoer go.
I canāt comprehend this.
Rest in peace. I sincerely hope you find eternal bliss
For anyone who was offended by my comment, I am truly sorry. I only posted it because it seemed (to me) as if his family was making things worse for him, and not trying to help at all.
Suicide?..
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