I struggle with motivation myself and it sucks. And thereās a TON of shame involved in it because Iām convinced everyone just thinks Iām being lazy. But itās so much freaking deeper than that.
Glad youāre here 
Hope you can enjoy some throwing here soon. Having a hobby to obsess on helps me sometimes (not always).
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Try not to be concerned with others āleaving you behindā on the learning curve.
Yoyoing is not a competition against others; unless you are competing in Contests.
Throwing yo-yos is a one man competition. You are throwing to get better than you are.
Every one of us is confronted with any number of āmountains to climbā. Some seemingly more than others.
Itās so easy to get buried in the ānegativesā that it seems too deep a hole to climb out of.
Personally; I take on challenges every day. But no matter what I accomplish; I have this curse of always feeling I didnāt do enough.
But every day; I start all over again. And every time some other old guy like me ādrops deadā; I realize that things could be worse.
Just remember that every single day you wake up alive in the morning; you have a foot up on All the people you pass as you drive by any Graveyard.
I donāt know the direct path to Nirvana.
But I do know that the task isnāt to be better than others. The task is to better yourself; no matter how little each day.
You have your entire life to get it right.
Being embarrassed, hiding from others, and grading yourself poorly; will only deepen your negativity.
Stick aroundā¦ we are all riding the same train. And none of us knows exactly when the train is going to make it to our stop.
Until then; we gotta just keep ridingā¦
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Although Iāve never seen anyone about it and donāt really know when it started Iād say Iāve been depressed around 5 years now and the reasons have completely changed. When it first started it was from me being sad. I had a lot of very close friends back stab me and seemingly overnight start hating me and it built up for a while but I eventually overcame it and come to terms with it but the older I got especially after graduating the reason changed from purely sadness to a feeling of being completely lost in life. I used to live with my mom and aunt but my aunt did some crappy stuff and got us all kicked out, which made me and my mom lose our jobs. We stay with my dad and my grandma. And my grandma for no legitimate reason despises us being here and makes it known everyday she doesnāt want us here. We have no other family to help or take us in for the time being. My dad doesnāt like us using the car so trying to find a job has been hard. On top of that where I live is super far out in the country and my grandma doesnāt have Internet and the best I get is 3g phone data. After 3 months of trying I finally got an interview in a few days but lately Iāve been seriously thinking of just leaving and tying to join the military. But idk if Iād even be accepted. Anywho thatās my walk of text post left out alot of chunks but thatās the general story. Forgot how great this community was 
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Thanks Doc
Iāve actually come a LONG ways with the whole self-esteem thing over the past 5āish years. Itās been incredibly powerful having a life coach who āgets meā and I feel almost zero judgment from.
There were many years in my 20ās where I absolutely hated myself and became severely paranoid of people and being in the public. I pretty much gave up any hope for years there.
Iām no where near that person anymore. Canāt believe I ever struggled so deeply with this stuff. Most people who meet me for the first time now days would have no clue that social anxiety is something Iāve ever struggled with.
Iām just about as stable now as I think I ever have been in life. Iām even actively working with a team at finding some meaningful employment that I actually think I can stick with which is huge for me.
lol my above post probably made things sound worse than they really are for me right now. I do have my down moments yetā¦and man the first year after losing my mom 2 1/2 years ago were devastatingā¦but honestly, Iām doing pretty damn well I think for myself over all right now.
I feel very spoiled in so many ways. I donāt understand why life keeps being so damn good to meā¦but Iām grateful.
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I really relate to this as a lot of people I went to high school with are āfurtherā along than myself. However, one of the best pieces of advice Iāve ever been given is to never measure your success by comparing yourself to others, but rather just strive to be better than you were the day before.
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(((Bro Hug)))
Damn man, thanks for sharing.
That really sucks about your grandma :*(. I donāt have any family to help out anymore either. In fact I just had some issues with it because I had to take a trip to a hospital 3 hours away this past weekend and I had no one to call and give me a ride back. Itās my fault Iāve isolated so much in life and secluded myself from everyoneā¦but it was honestly scary. I never thought thereād be a time in my life where I wouldnāt have my mom there to fix everything for me.
Luckily the facility here I get 1on1 therapy was awesome and figured out a ride for me back to my town.
Iād go freaking nuts without internet. That really sucks man :(.
I liked your āwall of textā post. I think it was brave that you shared so much and I really feel for you. I know this might sound dumb (maybe)ā¦but I feel proud of you after reading your story here. I gained a lot of respect for you knowing the struggles youāve gone through and that you face.
Thanks for sharing dude.
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@Damo
haha it just occurred to me that Iām not sure if youāre a dude or dudette >.<ā your forum face post has left me confused!! 
If I got things wrongā¦sorry!
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ā¦
Lol Iām a guy 
. And I donāt mind anymore I used be super private and closed off but I gave up on it. I also feel you on the loser thing. Because how I grew up and the fact that I didnāt come from money and I was embarrassed of my family and also because my depression, I am 20 years oldā¦ and Iāve never dated. I have no body hate issues nor would I even say Iām bad looking other than me being a manlet lol. Also that I have online friends that I met when they were juniors in high school and now they are in college and doing something with their lives and I just feel super stuck.
Edit : Iāll add a legit picture to the face post if you want
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When you feel down, generally we donāt feel like exercising, even a long walk. It does help though, getting just enough O2 to the brain to feel better.
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For anyone struggling with emotional problems, meditation can be a very powerful healing tool. This beautiful meditation takes the focus off of oneself, and puts the focus onto being an instrument of blessing for the earth. If anyone tries it, please message me with your experience! Iād love to know how it goes for you. Iāve been doing this meditation regularly for almost 4 years now and it has been an incredible blessing in my life.
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Does your anxiety ever turn into full blown panic attacks? About 10 years ago, shortly before my first kid was born, I injured my spine pretty bad and ever since my anxiety has been so bad that I get serious panic attacks. Itās. The. Worst.
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Itās a very complex and complicated topic. This story, for example, is representative of how complex it can be.
https://jezebel.com/stories-about-my-brother-1835651181
Basically it is hard to be a human being; everyone is fighting a lot of battles that you cannot see from the outside at all.
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How does it do that?
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After of my divorce I had depression, psychological therapy, psychiatrist control, prozac, nothing helped, I returned to yoyoing and I feel better again. The world of yoyoing is exciting and in this moment i dont take prozac anymore, in my case the yoyoing help me
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Youāll have to do it and find out 
Just a gentle guidance into change of focus for a quick for 18 minutes.
No obligation to believe it works that way at all.
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couldnāt have said that any better
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I have an update:
Backstory
I was diagnosed as a child, and medicated for a short while (about 6-8 months). The meds definitely helped me get my school work done, but my dad didnāt feel as though the positive SEs outweighed the negatives.
Along with stopping the meds, came this weird āweāre just going to pretend ADHD isnāt a thing and you can just work hard like everyone else has to because everyone deals with being distracted sometimesā.
This year (28 years old) I decided to do my own research. Lo and behold, ADHD is a real thing, and Iām still experiencing symptoms pretty severely. I had gotten use to just āliving with itā, even though my life has been its own special kind of hell.
I started to learn that adult ADHD is a thing too! And that ADHD is one of the most researched developmental disorders on the planet; with some of the most effective medications too.
Reality hits hard
I felt like a grown man with the mind of a puppy. I had a supercharged will to do things, but almost no traction when the rubber meets the road. Like being imprisoned inside my own mind.
ADHD is like being locked in a room with the charge to complete a task, with 20 people all clamoring to engage in conversation [about 20 completely different subject-matters] with you at the same time. CONSTANTLY day in and day out. Every waking hour.
The only moments of clarity - where my mind felt under control - were during strong emotional experiences.
If something is new and exciting, I tunnel vision on that until that is no longer new and exciting. If something is really getting me down, I canāt stop thinking about that one thing until I become calloused to it and move on (depression). etcā¦
This is what Iāve been living. What Iāve been trying to pretend isnāt real.
A decision
I did some research, and found a local dr. who specializes in ADHD. Made an appointment. And have been medicated for about two months now.
The results have been profound. I feelā¦ normal. Not like a super human, not like an āemotionless zombieā, justā¦ normal.
To continue the analogy from above:
With the meds, Itās like the door to that room has become unlocked and I am free to step outside for a breath of fresh air, alone. And in that place, I CAN FREAKING FOCUS!! I can devote my attention to whatever I choose!
I canāt believe I lived for so long trying to ignore the problem. I canāt believe how different things are now. ADHD is no joke, itās freaking intense.
Sorry for the short novel lol, just wanted to share an update.
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It wasnāt till my mid 30ās before I got diagnosed with ADHD. Kinda annoys me that itās never even been considered to my knowledge even though I had a lot of the classic red flags as a kid and my dad also had it.
It took me I think about 3 months of slow med increases before I found a dose that worked. And then they were amazing for me for about a year.
Things just got done. Itās like thereās a long distance between me thinking about doing something, and me actually doing that somethingā¦and in that distance, unmedicated, there was a ton of mud and muck I had to wade through. It was exhausting, time consuming and more often than not Iād just quit and never get what I intended to do done.
The meds cut a TON of that mud out of my life. Iād think about doing somethingā¦then Iād just go and do it.
Theyāve stopped working so well unfortunately over the last couple of years though. They still help, just not as much as they use to.
I was lucky to happen upon a lady who had an adult daughter with ADHD so she had done a lot of research on it and had a lot of direct experience with the disorder. She diagnosed me the first time I saw her. Iāve gone all my adult life knowing there was something going on but not having a name for it and itās been incredibly frustrating.
Itās nice knowing thereās legit reasons for the struggles I have and that Iām not just being lazy or stupid or whatever.
@smileypants707 Iām so glad that youāve found some meds that are helping you out man! 
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Iāve only had 1 full blown panic attackā¦but that was something like 15+ years ago now.
Do you still get them?
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I donāt really have full blown panic attacks anymore, but I sometimes still have āmildā anxiety attacks, which really suck, but are much less crippling.
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