Get off my back!

(⛷ Noisy Lurker) #1

Haha! Nobody is causing me any grief but we seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster at times in many of the threads where a strong opinion is presented. This has always been the case for as long as I’ve been acquainted with the forum.

I thought I’d share a few things that I have found helpful over the years.

  1. Never take it or make it personal: This is really a tough one considering it’s difficult to always see humor and sarcasm in forum writing. What works for me is after I’ve drafted my post, I ask myself a few questions:
    a. Does my post attack an idea? Example: “Sheesh that’s just stupid.”
    b. Does my post attack a belief? Example: “It’s just foolish to believe or think that…”
    c. Does my post attack an individual or call them out? This one is self explanatory and includes name calling.

Am I being attacked?
d. If something seems to be attacking in nature, ask for clarification or even correspond via p.m.
e. Leave it where it happens: If it happens on another site or facebook, leave it there.

  1. Disagree by saying that I disagree: “I disagree with that for these reasons”. instead of “You say that …and it really is …”

  2. Stay calm and act don’t react. Ask for clarification and present my side calmly.

Disagreement will always be unavoidable and I’m glad for that because it should be. It can lead to great discussions that actually help us change and widen our view of the world and ourselves. Discussion should be encouraged but is often stifled due to the downward spiral of personal attacks and emotional outrage. The personal attacks derail the conversation and then the mods, have to try and clean it up without losing any content. That can be an impossible task.

These few simple guidelines have served me well and I thought I’d just share them. Yes, I too, make the occasional blunder, but hopefully people can tell the effort is there and that when I do make a blunder, people understand it’s a blunder due to a more established consistent pattern of prior posts.

I look forward to more discussions, real discussions, as it’s always a pleasure to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Remember, it’s possible to dislike an idea or comment without disliking the person.

(DOGS) #2

I disagree with all of this and you are stupid because reasons.


When you’re trying to politely disagree, never use the word “but.” Try using the word “and” in a sentence like so: “I see your point, and…”

Actually, I find the best way to debate a point is to end sentences in questions. You avoid a hostile argument and evoke a response that requires the other party to at least consider your point.


But I disagree… Quite frankly this comment reminds me of a very unpleasant and controversial seminar we all had to attend at a former job.


And don’t forget to breath…and never strain too hard! Just let things happen naturally. Wait, what are we talking about again?




Why not?

(DOGS) #8

To allow the person you’re disagreeing with the feeling that they are still special little snowflakes whose skewed views are still appropriate to have because you never once actually made a statement that properly disputes it, allowing anything after the word “and” to ricochet right off of their skull and straight into oblivion.

It’s like some people never learned how to use “but” without being /offensive/ about it. Similarly, it’s like some people never learned how to receive a “but” statement without being offended.