looks good to me but, your grammar and spelling not so much so I revised it for you.
Jensen Kimmitt is a Canadian yoyoer from Edmonton, he is best known for his well-choreographed, high-scoring style. Jensen was formerly a member of the Caribou Lodge Yo-Yo Works (CLYW) team but, in 2010 he decided to switch to the YoYoFactory (YYF) contest team for financial reasons.Then in 2011 he decided to come back to CLYW to be with his friends. During his career he had 3 different pro models, 2 with CLYW and 1 with YYF the first one was with CLYW it was called the Wooly Marmot and it released in 2009. His second pro model was called the Northstar, this Yoyo is based on the Yoyo the protostar but the difference is it’s a heavier yoyo. Jensen used this Yoyo to win many contests. The Northstar was released in 2010. After this Jensen then came back to the CLYW team. Jensen’s 3rd pro model was called the canvas which, was released in 2011. He used this Yoyo to win lots of titles. In 2009 Jensen won 1st place in the 44clash contest, 1st Pacific Northwest Regionals, and 1st in the Bay Area Classic. In 2010 he won plenty of contests but, the best thing he could ever hoped happened,he won the 2010 World YoYo Contest! After that he only placed 8th or 9th place. Then Jensen decided to concentrate more on videos and other stuff.
Alright here’s what I fixed and why
If you are going to use a company’s abbreviation you need it in brackets next to the name.
Also reason is now reasons because you never went into detail why.
also model became models because there is more than 1
“winned” isn’t a word in English we use won if we use past tense
“alot” isn’t a word it’s a lot or allot which have 2 different meanings
Allot- means to share or divide
A lot- means plenty
Never start a sentence with and it will. Automatically make it a sentence fragment.
Heavyier is now heavier you don’t need the y in english a tip is if you see -ier you drop the y.
The ! Is now at the end of the world Yoyo contest because it’s exciting and important.
Also if your going to make a sentence with a list before the last thing on the list you need a ,and_____
Also its now videos instead of video because Jensen made more than 1 video
Also if your going to use any of these words in the middle of a sentence
For
And
But
Or
Yet
So
You need a , after them.
If you have anymore questions lemme know!
EDIT: can someone who speaks french translate this to him? Cause if he has problems with english I think I just made it harder for him to understand…
Also dude your rocking this language if this is a secondary language! If you were in the USA you would be writing at what we call a 2nd or 3rd grade level.
