Well, the past week has been a confusing blur of slow motion. Different than the last time this happened when my own father quite literally “dropped dead” to start 2003(January 1, 2003 to be exact)
Just to recap, on November 28th, my father in law died while walking IN the freeway and got hit and killed by a big rig. Again for purposes of legal matters, some details I am leaving out(such as personal thoughts and observations) The body was released to the family 2 days later. and the funeral home charged them over $5600 for all the stuff that goes with it. All said and done, I managed to save them some money by going with a different urn purchased online and saving them over $350. Their urn choice was totally unacceptable considering what was to be done with the remains afterwards.
So, Wednesday, the body was released and they must have pulled an all-nighter to make him presentable for viewing. There were long viewings Thursday and Sunday, then a dragged out Buddhist service Monday. Tuesday was the cremation and the body had to be moved to a different location for that. This time, another long ceremony which I was essentially forced out of, but before you take up issue with that, it was necessary to keep the kids out of it so as to not provide distraction, so I was forced out to handle the kids, which if you have to weigh the pros and cons, I think you’ll find this was the best solution. We were let back in for the final portion, which involved closing the coffin after placing a ton of flowers inside, moving the coffin to a hydraulic lift, lining things up and sliding the coffin inside the crematorium. The family at this point was pretty much all in tears and having a very difficult time accepting this finality. After this was done, most of the family did go to San Jose for some sort of service at a temple. Today, they’ve by now picked up the remains and are driving them to the same temple again.
I COULD say a lot of things, but I’m not going to. Some of my thoughts are very cold and cruel. Most are not very sympathetic, but you’re not living what I live and seeing what I see and definitely do not know what I know. Even so, I feel what happened was wrong and that he should still be alive. There were many negative forces at play, many self imposed, but an equal if not greater number of factors that were externally weighing down on him as well. As I am familiar with depression, I know many of the signs and symptoms and I was repeatedly told to shut up and “we’ll take care of it”. The final stages occurred very fast, which isn’t unusual though when people do such drastic things.
At any rate, this whole thing, at least on the surface, is over. Once again, I’m plunging back into my world of darkness, but it’s deeper than the typical dives due to recent events. Just coming off a Disneyland trip, I was expecting the typical crash that follows, which of course was happening, but then this whole thing occurs.
At the same time, I have quite a bit to be thankful for. First, in general is the YYYE forum, which provided a focus and distraction from all this other stuff going on that I couldn’t fully understand due to language barriers(the in-laws are Vietnamese). Since I can’t understand them, I had to go somewhere where at least I have a chance of understanding, and even helping. I’d like to thank specifally the following members, with reason:
Andre, for providing me with a project to work on for the YYE community. But that’s all I’m saying.
TMCertified, for a few conversations on the telephone that mostly had NOTHING to do with yoyos, but did include that topic. As we’re two very like individuals with a passion for audio and a relatively new-found love for this simple toy you all know as the yoyo, it’s nice to find commonality amid chaos. Also, for his Drop In The Bucket video, which I must say got me over the final hurdles in nailing this trick. I had lots of time to throw while otherwise being able to do nothing during “visitations”, so any type of usable downtime was used in a more productive manner.
Unrelated, but SacHorrorFilmFest, which I’ve been working with for 5 years and we’re onto our sixth year together, for dropping a ton of work in my lap, which helps me continue to move forward and not dwell on the bad stuff.
So, while I was “gone”, I wasn’t truly gone. Now I’m back
Let me close with useful advice:
For those with family members affected by depression, be aware it can turn and turn quickly. At the first sign of problems that you suspect to be suicidal or otherwise other acts of self damage, don’t screw around, be pro-active and make efforts to get them help. Although I don’t recommend medications for treating this, it can be necessary. Counseling can help. Make the effort before they can make a wrong effort.
To those contemplating suicide, let me say a few things:
Whatever your problems or frustrations or issues are, if you are willing to ride it out, it WILL get better. Tomorrow is another day. It is a gamble though, because maybe tomorrow is better, or maybe it’s not, but it’s a chance worth taking.
You may feel you’re alone, but you’re not. Help is available and don’t be afraid to ask for it.
This is NOT a victimless act. You leave behind people who cared for you, and then the costs involved in dealing with the decisions you made, such as clean-ups, funeral, and other final disposition issues.
Don’t think for one second I haven’t had such thoughts myself. The past 8 years for me have in generally been horrific. Business has been horrible and elements of my personal life have just been crap. Yes, there have been many good things, but between those have been long periods of bad piled on bad. Yet, I persevere. The chances are high that at some point things are going to turn around.
If you WANT help or NEED help, then GET HELP. Contact someone. If you see a family member in need, then don’t wait, just act. It’s better to have the worst case scenario be some mandatory counseling and therapy and annoying the crap out of someone rather than a different ending that nobody wants.
Maybe the way out of darkness is just a simple distraction. A game, perhaps. A hobby or some other activity might be in order. Why not introduce the yoyo to someone in a bad position. While the toy itself may seem trivial, it’s the time you spend teaching them and sharing with them that may be the catalyst they need to open up communication and redirect negative energy into something that is hopefully fun and enjoyable. Sometimes just knowing someone gives enough of a crap to spend time with someone else is all that is needed. Granted, the yoyo won’t change the world, but if it can help provide a little joy into someone’s life, then it’s worth every bit of time, money and effort. So, while the yoyo won’t save the world, it can help save people one at a time for those it is a good match for. Not everyone will like or take to the yoyo, but that’s fine, redirect those efforts into something else to try to obtain the same end results of getting someone OUT of the darkness.
I try to lead by example when I can. With my title as a forum eXpert, I feel the need to rise above it all for the greater good of the community. I’m still the same as before.
So, I’m done on this topic for a while. I’ll leave the thread open a few days, then I’m gonna lock it by the end of the week.
