They say you can’t judge a book by its cover. Which is partly true, although trashy romance novels beg to differ. One look at the cover of one of those and you can tell right away that you’d be better off avoiding it altogether because the chance of it containing anything remotely new or interesting or just plain not downright irritating is not worth the effort it takes to find out.
Yoyo videos over the years have changed a lot. So much so, in fact, that they’ve even evolved their own yoyo version of the trashy romance novel. I used to watch every video if I could, but as time has gone on I’ve had to figure out ways to safely trim out the ones that tend to waste my time. I’ve discovered that there are some common characteristics by which you too can judge yoyo videos by their covers, or at least the first few pages.
• Any video whose name is simply the name of the yoyoer and the time it was posted. For instance, Elephark 2011 or Elephark, March 2011.
• Any video whose name represents a period of time since the yoyoer began throwing. For instance, Elephark’s 68 month video.
• Any video whose name is simply the name of the yoyo, or something similar. For instance, Kickside or Testing out my new Kickside.
• Any video whose name includes the word featuring. For instance, Weighting Game, featuring the Kickside or Weighting Game feat. Elephark.
• Any video whose name includes the words new camera or camera test. For instance, Elephark camera test March 2011 feat. Kickside.
• Any video whose name includes the words preview or teaser. For instance, Weighting Game teaser, get ready for the drop next week!
• Any video whose name includes the words new trick(s) or particularly the term concept(s). For instance, Weighting Game feat. new concept—power freegen or Elephark 2011: New Tricks.
• Any video whose name is the name of the song used in the video. For instance, Keep a Peak.
• Any video whose creator insists that you watch it in HD. Make the video right and it’ll be plenty visible even at 240p.
• Any video in which the scenery is more important/prominent than the yoyoing.
• Any video in which the credits are more interesting or last longer than the yoyoing.
• Any video in which the music has been previously used in a prominent video. Same goes, more or less, for freestyles.
• Any video in which the music significantly detracts from the yoyoing. You might think hyper extreme chainsaw bloodbath metal is funny or ghettofab gangsta rap with 120 proof profanity is meaningful, but it’s irritating to most people. What it tells me is that the creator wasn’t keeping the audience in mind as he chose the music.
• Any video in which the yoyoer wears clothing that hinders the visibility of the yoyoing. White shirts are stupid. Stupid. You have to be stupid to use a white shirt in a video. Stupid. Stupid. Same goes for freestyles.