It was hailing today! Boy it hurt. It was fun though~ Too tired I feel myself drifting off haha. Much love you all <3
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Big Update.
So something kind of crazy just happened.I found the yoyo to celebrate. It kind of just.. fell in my lap? It wasnโt any of the preciously listed yoyos, and I never sought after it before, because it is titanium. However, to anyone who has been keeping an eye, it.. was actually a Koi. Can you believe it???
I never looked out for it because titanium is so expensive. I still wouldnโt, but this was.. a shock? And idk Iโm still reeling haha. I have just bought it, and got it for quite a bit cheaper too, which made me actually able to buy it. To the community, thank you for getting a Koi into my hands, one I saw when getting back into this hobby and thought it was the modt beautiful yoyo out there, but.. ofcourse with the pricepoint I scoffed and laughed at the price. 
I found one for 275.. I canโt believe this. It will regrettably not be a shelf queen, but I want to improve my skills massively to play with this safely. Thank you thank you thank you all.
To be honest I have been down on myself and life recently, but this will really help with that. I genuinely have been blown away and super grateful. No way I got super lucky right?? Wellโฆ Things have changed for the better! I went though a lot of betrayals in communities and closed my heart up about last yearโs march, and now I have seen what this community is like and it breathes a lot of ethos I cherish. Iโm opening up again and now hosting a cool event and a PiF box! Iโm so happy right now. Oh!! And Iโm getting a lovely Acorn soon so I am SUPER siked!!
Massive thanks to bheinz63 for selling me this. This yoyo, when I recieve it, will be saved for when I finish the event. To me, this event means a lot to me, and this will always hold a special place in my heart and memory.
I want to share stuff that makes me happy, so here!
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this is going to sound โฆ funny, but .. o well here goes - May God Bless you! Your posts make me feel happy. I donโt know you at all, but I feel proud of you! Not to overstate things, but your sharing, the good & bad, is an inspiration. Keep doing exactly what youโre doing my friend.
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500k Update! (Halfway)
Everyoneโs been so kind to me, and having faith in me, itโs honestly really refreshing. This is my favourite song, I thought Iโd share it, a lot of his music is dark/doomer, but even then he uses hopefulness. Itโs interesting to see how he uses dichotomy in his songs, upbeat tempo, dark lyrics. He made a game which I hold dear to me called Hope Left Me.
But honestly? Iโm really excited for the Koi. Supposedly it sounds like a bell and is a delight to play, I canโt wait!!! I know I donโt like reposting the same thing two days in a row but the Koi has been on my mind all day. I have to thank my friend @StrawhatDeku for accidentally getting me a beauty of a Koi in my hands.
Finally. The walking! It has been an experience I will say. Feet are full of blisters and pains, heels are cracked a lil, but Iโm still chugging along. Going to make grilled cheese again. You go through so many calories a day walking this much, burning over a thousand calories a day from walking alone
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Halfway through day-wise.
Since I want to get everything out there in the last half of this event, I will be showing a bit more insight to my life!
This is arguably, if not outright my most listened to song. It never has gotten old and with nice headphones this song really shines. I feel you either have the camp of people who show disgust when you explain songs with darker lyrics, or the kind that enjoys it. I am the latter, but I used to be so scared of everything in life. Movies, music, arts, stories. I think the song I posted above called Embracer is a good example of what I did. โEmbrace your dreadโ. I arose, I conquered. It no longer creates fear, at some point, horror just kind of stuck. No real rhyme or reason, I liked it more than I liked other things. It got emotions out of me, and still does, however I am very desensitized to horror, which is a shame. I think being able to find comfort in horror and the unpleasant comes from growing up in an unpleasant environment like that. Itโs home? I often throw on a good old coffeehouse crimes or something and zone out on something. Used to sleep to them, but having autoplay on and waking up to them and going in and out of conciousness during the night is a cocktail for disaster. Now I fall asleep to underwater rumbly noises, that way I donโt have fuel for nightmares which start closer towards 4AM and onwards, which sucks. I wake up a good several times each night, and by morning Iโm usually waking up from a nightmare since I have them every night lmao.
my bf just broke up with me after 5 years. ill.. try to finish today, and the event. thank you all. love you.
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My boyfriend broke up with me today after 5 years. To say it hurts is an understatement. i donโt know how to or what to communicate here. There.. is no way I can. The future disappeared; just like that.
There is nothing I can, or should say, that will leave off on a positive note. Sometimes.. all you can do when the entire world is against you is to reflect.
One of our dogs got into a porcupine and had to be dequilled as well.
Again, I really am sorry to leave off on one of the worst notes imagineable, but.. there is nothing I can do about it. Ii don"t know.. if that void can ever be filled, especially in such a hard place to be in.
No matter what, everyone here.. is my folk. I love you all. Weโre all a lil obsessed with a circular object that spins. I love you all. Take care, okay?
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take care and stay strong, youโll get through this champion. <3
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What a piece of junk, but it is very fun. Grandma got it at a sale.
I donโt know what to say today. I lost quite a few pounds in a couple days, it was nice to see.
I have extra time tonight to just relax. Tomorrow I get my hair dyed, and 100 Mowl gold string (Fat), as well as orange spike side effects and a glove. May do a cosplay of my hero (Juuzou), although I donโt have his outfit, I have his pins, and a fullbody tattoo, so I will be able to work with that a lot easier. Weโll see ^^
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Itโs always interesting how the dogs end up in pictures.
I think I may pick up Tokyo Ghoul again. After the breakup, the uncertain future, it would.. only be right to go back and rediscover myself.
Tokyo Ghoul came at a very important time. Until I was 15 I lived a sheltered and.. unfun life. I was getting into anime right before I made my way out of the house. First after it was Naruto and SnK and whatever else was popular. But it kind of.. stopped around when I downloaded something that looked interesting, Tokyo Ghoul. Binged the whole first two seasons in one day, and honestly? Very poor represntation of what the series actually was like. Tokyo Ghoul was picked up in 2015, when I was 17. Until then, there wasnโt any formative series in such a way that impacted me on a fundamental level to the point its changed me as a whole, literally. Unlike every other series, I was buying the English releases as they came out and if I had to again to own the series I would. What a time to be alive.
Kaneki as a main character, in the manga, is so multifaceted a lot of emotional states had to take several rereads as new volumes came out. Everything was amazing, and still is. I am thankful the series never sputtered out, and even though the ending was forced to end in 3 weeks against Suiโs wishes, it was still told how he wanted it to. Juuzou has one of the greatest character arcs in all of fiction for me. I will say, the anime gets so much attention over the manga, so a lot of people think the series sucked. The manga is genuinely some of the greatest art, panels, foreshadowing, themes. It made me deeply love centipedes to such a degree I incorporated it into my life. Centipedes are resiliant, and just like them, I will keep moving forward, like a centipede.
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Not much to talk about tonight as I have plans.
I reached 600k steps today!! I also started rereading Tokyo Ghoul. Even the early stuff is gripping, even after a dozen rereads!!
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I can not believe this. Why?? Why am I being punished? I just got a blue/yellow fade.. What am I going to do with it now?
Eh.. anyways. Zoned out a lot of today. I donโt know. Emotions still arenโt the best rn. I got together a package for my friend, furthered my combo, itโs nice. Head isnโt well tn, tomorrow is one month since I started.
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One month update
Rough. Thatโs all I want to say on that.
Iโll share a song with you all. Itโs called Little Demises. Itโs where my first username here came from; โLittle Miss Demiseโ. Itโs a good song, and is amazing. Not the best song after being dumped, but my entire playlist is doomercore, goth, or witchhouse. Iโm fine calling it a home.
I think when I reach the last day of the event, I will play with my Kois that day so I can give the final update and closing thoughts on everything. Iโll hit the goal the day before anyways at this pace, maybe even two days before.
Love you all, keep strong
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It was an okay day. I donโt remember much of today. The trails were very nice and relaxing. I had to maneuver so many trees.
Musics been on alot for today.
Thereโs only 18 days left!!
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Just caught up reading your posts! I might just have to check out the Tokyo Ghoul manga once I catch-up with One Piece and Chainsaw man (might take a while though lol). But yeah keep doinโ yo thang! Excited to see you reach your goal! 
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I decided I willl be kind to myself. The titanium comes in soon. It plays so good.
There was a fire right across the road too. It was crazy. Sadly, I realized that was the best place for the dogs because they run into there and play.
Iโve also been losing weight like crazy. Iโm so proud of myself!!
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Iโm going to be taking a mental health break and checking in at a crisis unit. ill finish when im back and capable, thank you all for understanding
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Good job! Way to take care of yourself.
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The situation is complicated and I want to get this last bit of the event underway and done while there is still steam and the urge to walk.
I have not walked at all today outside of in the house. I did not end up going to the unit as beds were full and I canโt risk delaying surgery a second time.
So whether I am fit or not to finish, I want to finish. It was a nice break today, but I felt off and antsy. Also, if I get back out there tomorrow I can still finish this event on time on the exact night. However it will only have been 49 days of walking, 50 full days; so Iโll walk an extra day on the 2nd to fully finish everything. And if we want to be super specific I didnโt even finish yesterday off, I stopped at around 14k steps.
I apologize for this chaotic solution of mine. I wish I could choose circumstances, but surgery has been putting a chokehold on what I am able to do; Iโve waited a good 7 years for it.
I will all see you tomorrow with a usual update. Take care of yourselves out there. Thank you.
(Total left: ~300,000 steps)
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If the world wants me to suffer, I will take it with bruteforce and be defiant. If I struggle, if I break, I will absolutely be putting up a fight and burning bright.
With every abyss, with every despair, there is warmth and light. I will absolutely not be quieted. If I have a goal, nothing can stop me. Double down, add more steps, speed things up.
Refusing to compensate on such large goals will build sturdy foundations, but come with strenuous effort. I would rather take a stressful path that leads to growth over a simpler answer, or path. A path I feel proudest of is one I learn the most from.
I often see a lot of people now compare to the volumes of the walking, but I want to remove a bit of the magic for you all. This is discipline, nothing more, nothing less.
It is brutal, absolutely, but it shouldnโt also be something people compare, I know I sure try to avoid such thoughts!! I used to be a student everyone believed to never put attention into self-care, and I do still deal with some struggles, but I found it in me to find others to be responsible for, and the rest was persistance. I never used to walk about 3 years ago. Even when I got Hilti, it wasnโt so quick. Laziness, excuses, I still go through them just as I believe everyone will at some point. I work with the laziness, I work with my strengths, and because I can keep myself reliable enough, accountable enough, I canโt slack, doing so would leave my dog depressed and without me so much. Whatever your motivation is, any at all, lean on it, and ask if you can rely on it on days you will want to give up (I know I have wanted to give up atleast on 3 or 4 occassions for this event).
For me, the event and you all and the yoyo I promised is what keeps me motivated and unquitting. I have toted the Titanium as something I worked for, and I still am. Just because I ordered it doesnโt mean I get to โclaimโ it yet. I set out on a promise, and I even compensated and haggled my way into an early gift, the blue/yellow fade Koi. That was a calculated decision as I needed a pick-me-up. However, the stress, guilt, and anxiety of not finishing this event will be worse on me than actually finishing the event, it is so cathartic at this moment in my life!!
I may feel overwhelmed at times, but I also work my days around this; if Iโm feeling good in the morning I can easily throw extra steps in. Thatโs paying myself kindness later where I may not be as wanting to have done an extra five hundred or a thousand because having a bad day and seeing you have 8k steps left is daunting, but 7k or 7.5k mentally is so much more doable. Thatโs a way I can describe self-compassion at its best, especially given the no compromise attitude I have had.
Whether I wanted to give up or not, or even if on days I still do, it is a moot point. For others they may struggle or break and may not be able to have time or effort to do the amount of steps Iโm doing every day, but it is all I have right now tiring me out. It is hardship, but necessary hardship. The risk of giving up on such a fun event is not something I will want to take. Everyone is rooting for me, and for the encouragement that brings pure joy and delight to my nights and days, thank you. I too will get behind anybodyโs goal at self-betterment, or health goals. I am brutally stubborn, and sometimes I really do just need to walk a million steps in a fifty days to clear my head, I really am built like a machine some days.
Whether I do it for this, or for that, or for my dog, or whatever. None of the reasons matter; theyโre all motivators. Also, the results have translated quite well to my life. It certainly is not something sustainable, and I can fully give that information out for free. At first I felt indestructible, and I still do, but that comes with knowledge now. There needs to be repair time. Just because I can push my body past limits doesnโt mean I should have. There is now only two weeks left in this event, after which I will truely be taking my sweet time for a few days with walks.
Weโre still in this maddening world, so letโs keep causing it problems, ya? Never lose your fire inside, keep it burning, weโre still in this. Much love, everyone.
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