List list list!!!
I’ll start.
You don’t need a parachute to skydive, only to skydive twice.
Is it good if a vacuum cleaner sucks?
Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.
In the observatorium at school the Astronomy teacher has alot of great quotes on the wall. My favorite is
Time exists so every thing doesn’t all happen at once,
Space exists so every thing doesn’t all happen to you
if u kill chuck norris chuck norris will kill u and life is like a box of chocklates ya dont know what a gonna get
I believe in karma… That means I can do bad stuff to you all day and assume you deserve it
There’s no point in listening to other people. They’re either gonna be agreeing with you or saying stupid stuff.
YOU ATE MY FLYING PURPLE ELEPHANT!!!
You shut your mouth when you talk to me!
Don’t you look at me in that tone of voice!
If I wanted to listen to a butthole I would fart.
I didn’t fart, my butt is talking crap behind my back.
“May the force be with you” “And also with you”
Inside every keg is a six pack.
LOL… 
If you smacked a child with a bottle of Johnson’s no more tears, wouldn’t that create beautiful irony?
A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.
Children don’t make accidents, accidents make children. :
Don’t do drugs, or drugs will do you!
if pie is pie, what is pie?
What happens if you pour self raising flour on an orphan?
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“People alive are better than people not alive” - wheezywaiter January 7th, 2011
“Did you hear about the guy who tried to swim across Grapevine lake? He was halfway there, decided he couldn’t make it, and swam back.”
I dun get it
Do you have a room that locks from the outside only?
No. Mine locks from the inside. What’s your point?
Well, we could lock you in the room… and let you have some food when you figure it out.
Where did you get those clothes? …
The toilet store
WHAMMY
HHAAYYOOHHH
I love scotch, scotch loves me, it goes down, down in to my belly
All anchorman
I look like a nerdy hill billy
How dare you she is a nice lady
The Hangover
LOL Q… if you try to swim across a lake, but you only make it halfway… then you just went 50% correct? Then you swim back because you’re tired, going back the other 50%, and 50%+50%=XX meaning he could have just YYY