If you’ve thrown enough yoyos, you can tell how a yoyo is going to feel and perform just by looking at it and its specs. Reviews aren’t usually necessary.
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Best yoyo reviews by far are the off-road yoyo reviews. Pure entertainment!
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I hope you don’t mind, I broke this out into its own topic since I think it is a really interesting discussion.
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Have any thoughts you’d like to share?
On iPad at the moment so not wanting to fingerpaint a ton of words right now, but I agree with your primary criticisms.
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Since we’re talking about what they do wrong, I figured we could add what reviewers could do to improve.
I think focusing much more attention to how they feel during play is most important. Is it fast, sluggish, floaty, overly light, solid, heavy on the string? Something can be light and fast without being floaty, something can be heavier and stable without being sluggish. Pick a couple other popular yo-yos to compare and contrast the feel and play, not just shape and size.
If it feels a certain way, what design elements make it feel that way? Is the weight distributed in a certain way to achieve a specific feel? Yes a bimetal with steel weight rings directly on the rim is going to have a lot of rim weight and be pretty stable, but how is the weight distributed throughout the rest of the yo-yo?
After feel, what trick elements/types does it struggle with or handle well? I know most yo-yos now can handle everything, that’s why I listed feel as most important, but some excel or struggle with horizontal, regens, etc…
These things can help inform not only a potential purchase of the yo-yo being reviewed but also future purchases if the viewer can get an idea of the outcomes of specific design elements.
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One critcism I have: if you give every yo-yo a positive review, then why bother reviewing at all? 
What would make someone really want to buy this yo-yo versus the hundreds of others they could choose from out there? What’s unique or special about this particular yo-yo?
I also agree strongly that there is a “moneymoon” aspect to reviews, where The New Thing© is interesting because it is new. You really want to hear from people after the shiny newness has worn off. Do you still pick up that yo-yo, 6 months later? Because that’s what it takes.
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Most reviewers have never met a yo-yo they didn’t like.
I think in part they want manufacturers to do well because that helps the hobby do well, so they are super resistant to giving bad reviews.
The end result is that the reviews aren’t very helpful because they always say everything is awesome.
You are more likely to get an honest answer by just asking someone who has the yo-yo
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This is because there’s people that think every yoyo is a good yoyo 
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The truth is that almost all yo-yos are very good these days, that’s true.
The uncomfortable truth is that everything is so baseline good we’re turning into a fashion industry.
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yeah. currently, stuff is getting static. not many new feels. i really just want a unique throw from a large company at this point. i like that large companies cater to the masses with competition-oriented yoyos, but i want to see something new once in awhile.
Retic Burm, trust me you have neverrrr played one like this 
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To be fair, @Tvelto didn’t care for the Colossus IV and said so in his review.
I feel that reviews are entertaining, but not useful (to me anyway). It’s fun to see a new yoyo in play, and to hear a bit about how it looks and feels. But I don’t trust the assessments of others to accurately predict if I will like a yoyo or not. Not after thinking I’d really like the Cadence based on a number of exuberantly positive reviews, and then being sorely disappointed.
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I think that’s why describing how a yo-yo feels during play is the only effective way to do reviews. It’s the only thing I care about when finding a new yo-yo I want. I can evaluate the specs and shape for myself, but I can’t know how it feels without trying it unless someone who understands how to describe it lets me know. And even that can vary between people so having a baseline popular yo-yo or two to compare feel gives people a better idea.
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I personally disagree moby323 you obviously haven’t seen MY reviews.
also for anyone else you can clearly see my opinions on yoyo reviews if you decide to watch them. I’m debating on doing the next yoyo review I do with a sock puppet… but reviews take a long time to edit (or at least mine do because i edit them for more comedic value than review value).
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That’s a good question. Does it take more time to do a video review? I remember @smileypants707 agonizing over doing a video review, to me it seems a lot easier to just write down your thoughts versus recording a proper video, but I do zero video work so…
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I basically have zero charizma, so I can’t just wing my way through video review or tutorial. I basically have to write a script, try to stay on script, and record an acceptable little trick circle, and then edit it all together.
My bar is pretty stinking low too compared to other yoyo YouTubers. So I can definitely imagine that creating a comprehensive and easy-to-follow review would be a hefty challenge.
I call my videos reviews because it’s easier than saying “video where I talk about a yoyo for ten minutes.” Review is just a much more searchable word.
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“Reactions” are the new reviews.
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I personally think it does, because with a properly done video reviews, you have to make a script, then you have to film B roll of the yoyo( basically pretty shots of the yoyo and possible packaging), and clean yoyo tricks of you yoyoing (which for some can be harder than others). Then if you decide you want a “talking head” style video you have to film yourself saying the script, which if your not exactly articulate isn’t easy. Then there’s also the fact before filming you have to deal with audio, lighting, and backdrops as well and making sure the camera is in focus. Then editing can take up at least double the time it takes to make a review because you have to edit out word blips.
As for other reviews some can just speak in front of a camera for 10 minutes in one take and call it “one and done”. And those are reviews but, for a person who wants an informative review there is so much time and effort that goes into those videos.
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