I can’t Hand Start A Dead Yo-Yo for my life anyone have tips?
I would snap start it. Watch the video, and here are some tips. I use my thumb, index finger, and middle finger. Grab the left side of the yoyo if you are right handed, and put those fingers and thumb on the side of the yoyo. And just snap it and it should give the yoyo some power. I also grab some of the string to make it shorter. Hope this helps. 
It also helps if you use your snap wrist as your doing the snap start.
Though it’s not particularly good for your health, it will help it spin faster, sooner and give you a good idea of how to snap start without throwing the yo off axis
Yeah, I do that too.
Another thing that helps is practicing snapping without the yoyo. Believe it or not, it is actually the same exact motion. Snap starting a flat rimmed is also easier then snap starting something like a noctu, imo.