Hey all, I am currently writing an essay about the yoyo and its history, innovations, and the modern age. If you don’t mind, could you read my essay and give me some feedback?
-noah
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The yo-yo, a spectacular feat of engineering having two halves and said halves to spin independently while the axle, is stagnant. You have probably picked up a yoyo and tried the play with it. The modren age of yo-yoing has some sort of a haze and mystery that you know so well, and flipping it on its head, I think that’s what makes anything really good. What makes the yo-yo so unique and outstanding is the yoyo is a combination of many different toys. If you look at a yo-yo, it’s a top in fact, it is two tops connected by a central axle or bearing. I mean, the top itself was a revolutionary toy, the idea of creating a gyroscope and understanding G’s and knowing that if you spin something fast enough it will sort of defy gravity and make and make its own gravity. The yoyo is the second oldest toy after the doll.
There are many companies and brands that manufacture and sell yo-yos, string and accessories. One of the most influential companies in yo-yo history is YoyoJam. Founded by Dale Bell, the impact on the yo-yo community is substantial. One of Bell’s innovations was the usage of the large C size bearing. Now, the sized bearing is the golden standard that basically every modern yo-yo utilizes. He also designed his own counterweight with the help of Takeshi Matsuura in a time where all yo-yo counterweights had to be licensed through Duncan. Another trailblazing company would be YoyoExpert. YoyoExpert or known as YYE by the community, Is the biggest yo-yo distributor and seller. The site was founded by Andre Boulay, the biggest maker of yo-yo trick videos.
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I think it needs an introductory paragraph with more history of the yo and a closing paragraph to summarize everything. Probably an additional paragraph in the body with more details about yoyo not a bad idea either.
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Yeah sorry it’s not finished yet
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I don’t think you need to mention counterweights unless you plan on explaining what a counterweight is.
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I’m pretty sure the first sentence isn’t actually a complete sentence. That is a very interesting sentence structure, but you’ll be better off keeping things a bit more simple, unless you’ve been given specific instructions to utilize more complicated sentence structures.
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1st paragraph is introduction
2nd, 3rd, and 4th paragraphs are the supporting details
5th paragraph is the conclusion
Citations/sources? Also needs a title. Also what is this for anyways? School, just for fun?
School
That first sentence needs to be replaced entirely, felt like I was having a stroke reading it tbh. As a teacher or professor, if that was the first thing I read, I wouldn’t even finish reading it and would give it back to the student to redo.
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Is there a prompt for the essay? Usually your intro paragraph will outline the goal of your essay. Also curious, what grade is this being written for?
Reading through the two paragraphs you provided, it honestly sounds like it was written by ChatGPT but with more errors.