College App Personal Statement!


#1

Hey guys,

So for UC application I was prompted to write about a talent that has influenced who I am and my character and I wrote about the yo-yo! I would like to share to you guys my story summed up in 500 words. Let me know what you think!

The string is the brush, the yo-yo a pallet, the air is the canvas, the tricks are the person's 

feelings; these are words inspired by a professional yo-yo player. Junior high was a time for a student

to find himself; he wonders what kind of person he becomes, having to choose a group to affiliate

himself with. It was in seventh grade that I discovered myself; my identity found in a little toy that

spins on the edge of the string. The yo-yo started off as a toy to pass my time as I got bored. Hours

of fun were spent on learning little tricks such as “walk the dog” and “around the world” all with the

goal of just passing the time. It didn’t come without consequence however; as I progressed through

seventh grade I was constantly ridiculed and demotivated for playing with a “child’s toy.” The

insults, however, did not stop me; it even motivated me to do better. It wasn’t till eighth grade that

I discovered the world of professional yo-yo play and the culture behind the toy. The yo-yo went

beyond it’s role starting that day; it became part of my lifestyle, my passion.

Throughout my school career I've developed tricks, learning new elements and ways of 

executing, in my mind, perfection. In my training I found communities, met people that share the

same hobby as me, and learned from their life changing experiences due to the yo-yo. A revelation

hit me, the yo-yo has set me apart from normal society, and it was one of the biggest moments of

my life when I accepted my identity. To society, creativity, feelings, and emotions are considered to

be mainly expressed through music, art, and writing. For me, I sit on another spectrum; I use my yo-

yo to display my feelings, and my true character. This very passion has brought me acceptance into

my school’s society; performing for the entertainment of my peers and showing them the world that

they have never experienced before. Today, the yo-yo’s role in my life is to express my feelings, my

creativity, my very individual personality and being. Because of the yo-yo, my desire to seek out the

underground has opened me to so much culture within this country and world; I have discovered the

world of parkour, the brony community, and the support of the world of skill toys. Most people would

see the yo-yo as some toy for a kid to pass the time. Five years of training has shown me much

more. The various deviant communities in America are endless, and I now see beauty in simple things.

I can see the emotions and characters of other players as they execute tricks that their very

passion and creativity innovated. The yo-yo went from a mere toy to a tool in my life to truly express

who I am, and a medium to show the world the creativity my character can innovate, one trick at a

time.


#2

I loved that! Well written.


#3

I thought it was extremely well written and articulated. If I must make one suggestion, I would leave out the “brony community” part. Don’t get me wrong, I respect that you have found comradery in the brony community, I just feel that it is too subjective to a single internet community. It almost sounds like you are trying to justify a community full of MLP fans as a deviant group to America, rather than just a social outlet to talk about MLP.

Obviously you don’t need my advice and obviously I am not a professor at any school. Quite frankly it is an amazing 500 word speech on the thing that has made the person you are today, I just feel that you want to have a bit of professionalism too, since it seems to me that your goal in this is to justify that a yoyo is not a toy, but a career for some and an artful expression to others, following that I’d say that has an impact on this world, I feel that the Brony community does not have the same impact

Anyway, I’ve rambled far too much about two words in what I can only assume will be an impressive resume. God bless man, I hope whatever college you apply to you can get in :slight_smile:


#4

Very well written, and I feel like I can relate to how you feel. Nice job!