The YYE Zork-Style Game/Thread!

I thought this would be something cool to try. If you don’t know what Zork is, just look it up and the answer should be easy to find. We would do it forum-style, where you state an action and then where that action takes you. Feel free to take this wherever. I’ll start:

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.

There is a small mailbox here.

<There is a bucket of water to your right, an ominous portal to your left, and a demonic Thompson Machine Gun with Barell clips in front of you, what do?>