chuck norris jokes

(Marvin.D) #1

me and my friends were jokeing on how tough chuck norris so i thought why not brarng it here so just tell a joke on how tough he is nothing mean ok i will start

Chuck Norris is so tough the boogieman checks his closet for chock norris


When God said let there be light Chuck Norris flipped the switch. :slight_smile:

(SR) #3

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


It’s common but…
They say His tears can cure cancer. Too bad He never cries.

(Marvin.D) #5

chuck norris is so tough the devil has night mares about chuck norris


LoL, oh my gosh I am cracking up


Not only can Chuck Norris play golf with planets, he can play plantes with golf balls. (Like it? Just made it up ;D)

(winterjibber) #8

chuck norris once roundhoused a horse… now they call it a giraffe

(winterjibber) #9

most kids wear superman pj’s… superman wears chuck norris pj’s

(winterjibber) #10

chuck norris once donated a gallon of blood… to bad it wasnt his own.

chuck norris walked into a bathroom and found 135 things to kill you with… including the room itself


Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

(Saur) #12

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter
When Chuck Norris shaves he roundhouse kicks himself in the face. Because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane by pointing at it and going bang

(Shisaki) #13

Chuck Norris can Beleive Its Not Butter.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer


I had one but its kinda inappropriate, but I got here too late all the good ones are taken.

(Marvin.D) #15

Chick Norris puts samad to shame with his toughnest

(JonasK) #16

Chuck Norris read this thread and didn’t laugh at the jokes because they weren’t good enough for him.


There is no definition for Chuck Norris because he transcends the ability to be defined.
What’s the definition of awesome, amazing, win, etc.? Chuck Norris.

(Derek) #18

Chuck Norris is actually dead, God is just too afraid to tell him.


Chuck Norris’s pee is so Acidic and powerful it melted my Genesis. :stuck_out_tongue:

(Shisaki) #20

Fixed, you got it wrong